100 Days of Meditation Day 8: Setting Intention

So, I’m on Day 4 of the OMG I can meditate app and while I’m not the biggest fan of the lady that does the meditations I love the method and practice. Today, it was about setting intentions, and my mind just kind of exploded in to a tangent of a million different intentions that I could/would like to set. I seriously have a list about 10+ long of intentions right now, and I need to figure out what to focus on first. Some of these could even be split up even further, in to mini-intentions of sorts.

  • Financial Stability/Debt Snowball
  • Getting back in to working out 5x a week
  • Eating Healthier
  • Better communication skills
  • Be kinder/Do a daily random act of kindness
  • Increase sales at work
  • Move in to a corporate position
  • Finish at least my associates degree
  • Future
  • Family
  • Friends

I swear, I could go on longer and longer. Financial stability, debt snowball, getting out of debt seem to be what hits me hardest. I’ve never liked debt and being in a ton of debt from when I had my health issues and college is something that consumes a large part of my capacity currently. It makes me focus on things that aren’t always what’s most important, like myself and my debt and money, when I should be focusing on kindness.

Is it okay to be selfish with your meditation intentions? Is it kind of like ‘magic’ where you have to focus on good things and not intend it for your benefit… Now that definitely doesn’t sound right. I know you’re supposed to meditate to better yourself, but is setting a personal goal as an intention selfish? Should I alternate between self and non-self meditation intentions? Am I terrible for having so many intentions pop in to my head at once? How do I even know I’m doing this whole thing right?

Sometimes, I still question whether or not I am meditating correctly or if I’m meditating in such a way that it will benefit me. Yet, I find myself sleeping better, and am less anxious to have absolutely everything done on my to-do list like yesterday. Maybe it is working, but in small ways to start. Maybe I’m subconsciously setting my intentions in the order in which they need to be set.

I guess I’ll just have to see where my mind takes me. So far, I seem to be noticing that I’m much less uptight and am sleeping better than normal. I guess I’ll have to be patient and wait for the rest of the benefits to start surfacing.

This upcoming week at work I’m scheduled for the same amount of days but for fewer hours, so I’m looking forward to getting the rest of the apartment unpacked. Maybe that will be my meditation intention for the week, getting my home life organized. I like that idea.

Good night, namaste.

100 Days of Meditation Day 6 & 7: Pain in the …

I’ve been experiencing some pretty intense back pain, and I’m not sure if it’s from the move or working so much, or both. Either way, I decided to do my session laying down last night and probably only got about two minutes in to it before I fell asleep. It was mostly my fault that happened, I stayed up a lot later than usual, which was still only 10:30, god I feel old.. Anyway, so it didn’t last long, but I did it, so I’m proud of myself, especially since I really wasn’t feeling it at all yesterday.

Anyway, today my back still hurt, but I decided to try a sitting session again. I had a lot of trouble focusing, my mind kept wandering between work and my back and how much I still need to do to get my apartment unpacked. My to do list is a mile long and I really, really need to get back to the gym. As much as i desperately need the money and am incredibly thankful for all the hours I’ve been getting at work, I feel like I can’t find any semblance of normalcy because I’m at work 6 days a week and I can’t get everything organized at my apartment to a point where I can relax. Plus, I have a million projects to do at work, and not enough time to do them.

Obviously I just need to go to bed because that seems to be the only peaceful time I have right now. So, until tomorrow…

Namaste

100 Day Meditation Challenge

Whoa, two posts in one day? Now that’s just crazy talk. Have you ever just jumped in to something, and ran full speed towards it, but hesitated at the last second? I feel like that’s exactly what happened with this blog. I was incredibly excited to start it and get things rolling and then I reached the edge of the cliff and I just couldn’t jump. I could probably use years of therapy, but up until recently have been too stubborn to admit it. I used to see it as something bad to need therapy, but I’ve come to the realization that it can only better my life. Silently, I’ve always suffered from anxiety, depression and eating disorders. Due to these things I carry around a lot of self doubt, unnecessary baggage, and many other things that I know hold me back in my day to day life. Yet, despite how much I hold myself back every once in a while that distorted veil I see the world through breaks open and reveals the kind of person I truly am and other people can see.

So what does any of that have to do with anything relevant? Well, you see, there was one time, when I was a freshmen in college that I caved for like five minutes and went to see a therapist. He was the therapist my parents sent my little brother to when they got divorced and he started having anger issues. The trigger of this visit was that I had an anxiety attack in the middle of my first college exam, and I walked in there 100% expecting to be handed a prescription for a medication. I live in the U.S. and that’s the norm here. Oh, you have a problem? Here take this drug that has a long list of side affects that we will later treat with other drugs. Sorry, I’m getting side tracked now, I promise, no more medical system bashing… Anywho, what I got was something that would strike a chord with me and stick with me even when my life ended up all sorts of topsy-turvy. He prescribed me meditation, once a day, for a minimum of 5 minutes. He even provided me with a book to read called¬†The Relaxation Response¬†and gave me a guided meditation.

Now, this was 4 years ago, and I can’t even begin to explain the things that have happened in the past 4 years, but I can tell you that meditation completely changed my life. I fell out of practice just a few months after this prescription, but I always find myself wandering back around to it. Well, this is one of those times where my spirit wandered back around and actually persistently stuck with me for a few weeks. My life has been so crazy hectic this past year, and I’m in desperate need of some balance.

So, without further ado, the real reason I sat down behind the keyboard tonight. I’ve decided that I need to challenge myself to find that balance, to bring the calm back in to my life, and maybe make some long overdue changes. Today marks the 1st of 100 days straight of meditation. I don’t care how crazy my schedule looks (I’m currently scheduled to work 6 days this upcoming week), I’m going to make sure I sit, for a minimum of 5 minutes a day, and just be still.

Today I did 8 minutes, because it’s a really bad idea to drink Celestial Sleepytime Tea and then sit down, in the dark, and listen to a calming meditation. I wouldn’t recommend it.

Has your life become a whirlwind of crazy? Are you over-working yourself to make ends meet? Is your stomach constantly in knots because you’ve got a world of worries on your shoulders? Are you none of the above? I challenge everyone, to follow along with me on this journey. It’s going to be a bumpy road, and some days 5 minutes may feel like an eternity, other days 40 minutes will fly by so fast you won’t even realize the world won’t collapse without you for a while. I promise, we’re in this together.

Namaste