So I haven’t posted in 5 days, but that doesn’t mean I gave up on my challenge. I’ve just had a lot going on between work and home. Things have been frustrating and chaotic. I haven’t had the best focus, but I’m making an effort to sit, that’s all that matters right?
I know that the more chaotic life is the longer I should be sitting, but I think that taking 5-20 minutes a day is better than not at all. Hopefully I’ll have more to say soon. Have a great night, namaste.
The past two days have been rough, I have been really struggling to sit. Today I only made it through about 6 minutes of my session before I gave up in frustration. I really want to create a meditation habit, but I think I’m so frazzled with work that I can’t even seem to calm down enough to sit. Thankfully I have Sunday, Monday and Tuesday off of work to unpack and work on relaxing. That’s exactly what I intend to do. So I apologize I don’t have two days worth of thoughts to share, I’ve been barely able to keep still for five minutes.
Today I was exhausted but couldn’t seem to fall asleep for a nap after I got home from work. I’ve noticed that I’ve been incredibly lonely recently. I’m missing my little brothers senior year of high school because I’m half way across the country from him. I work all the time so I have no friends outside of work. I’m never down in the city and see friends from college.
I feel like I’m slowly becoming more and more cut off from the world. Honestly none of that has anything to do with my session tonight. There were no words in meditation. Just music today. I sat. I guided myself back when I found myself off track. Nothing special. Guess I have to write today off as a bad day with nothing to say.
I feel like I haven’t really had a break through day of yet. I feel like I’m just sitting in silence for 10-20 minutes at a time. Listening to the guided mediation. I haven’t really gotten to the point where I feel like I’ve made any sort of personal progress with anything.
That all being said. With all the chaos and turmoil I’ve been experiencing between work and the move and not having time to unpack and organize the apartment… Maybe some small daily silences aren’t such a bad thing. I have a nightly meditation to look forward to. At the close of my day I have time to sit down and just clear my head a little. Detach myself from the immediate crazy.
I guess you could say that while I don’t see any outward changes, there is a small inner peace that keeps me anchored in a sea of chaos. On top of that its a small bit of time that I’m completely unplugged and that’s definitely something I need to work on.
I don’t have a lot else on my mind tonight.
Until tomorrow, namaste.
So evidently I need to double check that when I post from my phone that it actually posts. This is the second time I had to go find it in limbo… Anyway, this is what I tried to post last night.
Tonight’s meditation was about trying too hard. When I start thinking about trying to hard I start thinking about everything and breaking things down technically. I feel like that defeats the purpose of not trying too hard. I think I’ll have to add thinking too much in to things that I need to set my intentions on.
You know I’ve always heard that meditating makes it easier to handle every day things. I really hope that starts kicking in soon. I feel like I have so much in my plate that I’m juggling extra things in my other hand.
I’ve got a lot on my mind and so I don’t have a lot for tonight.
So, I’m on Day 4 of the OMG I can meditate app and while I’m not the biggest fan of the lady that does the meditations I love the method and practice. Today, it was about setting intentions, and my mind just kind of exploded in to a tangent of a million different intentions that I could/would like to set. I seriously have a list about 10+ long of intentions right now, and I need to figure out what to focus on first. Some of these could even be split up even further, in to mini-intentions of sorts.
- Financial Stability/Debt Snowball
- Getting back in to working out 5x a week
- Eating Healthier
- Better communication skills
- Be kinder/Do a daily random act of kindness
- Increase sales at work
- Move in to a corporate position
- Finish at least my associates degree
I swear, I could go on longer and longer. Financial stability, debt snowball, getting out of debt seem to be what hits me hardest. I’ve never liked debt and being in a ton of debt from when I had my health issues and college is something that consumes a large part of my capacity currently. It makes me focus on things that aren’t always what’s most important, like myself and my debt and money, when I should be focusing on kindness.
Is it okay to be selfish with your meditation intentions? Is it kind of like ‘magic’ where you have to focus on good things and not intend it for your benefit… Now that definitely doesn’t sound right. I know you’re supposed to meditate to better yourself, but is setting a personal goal as an intention selfish? Should I alternate between self and non-self meditation intentions? Am I terrible for having so many intentions pop in to my head at once? How do I even know I’m doing this whole thing right?
Sometimes, I still question whether or not I am meditating correctly or if I’m meditating in such a way that it will benefit me. Yet, I find myself sleeping better, and am less anxious to have absolutely everything done on my to-do list like yesterday. Maybe it is working, but in small ways to start. Maybe I’m subconsciously setting my intentions in the order in which they need to be set.
I guess I’ll just have to see where my mind takes me. So far, I seem to be noticing that I’m much less uptight and am sleeping better than normal. I guess I’ll have to be patient and wait for the rest of the benefits to start surfacing.
This upcoming week at work I’m scheduled for the same amount of days but for fewer hours, so I’m looking forward to getting the rest of the apartment unpacked. Maybe that will be my meditation intention for the week, getting my home life organized. I like that idea.
Good night, namaste.
I’ve been experiencing some pretty intense back pain, and I’m not sure if it’s from the move or working so much, or both. Either way, I decided to do my session laying down last night and probably only got about two minutes in to it before I fell asleep. It was mostly my fault that happened, I stayed up a lot later than usual, which was still only 10:30, god I feel old.. Anyway, so it didn’t last long, but I did it, so I’m proud of myself, especially since I really wasn’t feeling it at all yesterday.
Anyway, today my back still hurt, but I decided to try a sitting session again. I had a lot of trouble focusing, my mind kept wandering between work and my back and how much I still need to do to get my apartment unpacked. My to do list is a mile long and I really, really need to get back to the gym. As much as i desperately need the money and am incredibly thankful for all the hours I’ve been getting at work, I feel like I can’t find any semblance of normalcy because I’m at work 6 days a week and I can’t get everything organized at my apartment to a point where I can relax. Plus, I have a million projects to do at work, and not enough time to do them.
Obviously I just need to go to bed because that seems to be the only peaceful time I have right now. So, until tomorrow…